[he sighs. he knows how the kid feels, but he's - bad at talking.]
It's not like that - I'm not disappointed in you. I understand, because I feel the same way, about Yagami and - when I was your age, I thought I had to grow up as quickly as possible too, to prove that I could be on my own. But when the time finally came, that wasn't an issue anymore - it was the loneliness that did me in. I don't want to be lonely, and I don't think you want to be, either. Correct me if I'm wrong.
[a pause]
Taking in Light was no decision I made lightly, and I didn't do it because I think he deserves it. But I want to give him a chance regardless - everyone deserves a second chance, and if you live your life never trusting anyone, because you've been hurt in the past, by friends, family or even lovers, then what kind of life is that? Light has hurt people, yeah, and I don't doubt that he'd be able to do so again - which makes it all the more important that I make sure that he doesn't. That he realizes that he doesn't have to lie to people in order to find a place anywhere, to be accepted regardless of mistakes he might have made in the past. And all things considering...I think he's on a good way, now.
Please, just... trust me on this, that's all I ask. I won't let him hurt anybody. However, if you're really not okay with it, then - then I'll ask him to leave. You are more important to me, and I don't want you to think otherwise.
I get what you're saying - I - I want to believe that even really, really bad people can change. That their good face wasn't just a lie. Or even if they do something bad to you, that it might not be your fault...
[ Wait who is he talking about here? ]
If I'm the one with the problem, then I should leave. I'm not getting anywhere right now anyway. I need to get back home. There has to be some way, I can't just stay here and pretend this is my life now.
You don't have a problem - it's something we all have to deal with, and it's hard. I want to go back home, too, but that doesn't stop me from having another home right here. You need to realize that you are - not - alone. I need you here.
You don't understand. Soubi's my Fighter. I'm letting him down by not being there. He's such an idiot when I'm not around, always getting hurt and doing stupid things. And who knows what will happen to Mom if I'm not there...
And what are you going to do? Sneak onto a boat, and get yourself killed? Don't be unreasonable. You're not a child anymore, are you? Soubi and your - mom would be far more disappointed if they knew anything happened to you.
Don't patronize me! If we know for sure boats aren't an option, then we should find out more about what brought us here! At least make sure that whatever it was only works one way and can't send us back! We don't even know why we're here, and I'm just supposed to accept it?!
Mom is probably happy that I'm gone, but Soubi - Soubi's suffered so much for my sake. He's fought for me, and gone through hardships as my Fighter because I wouldn't accept my responsibility for him and he didn't want me in danger. He even fought a team that broke etiquette and hammered a nail right through his hand! Soubi would never, ever give up on finding his way to my side, so it's only fair that I--
[yells right back :|] Do you think I'm not trying?! Do you think I'm not frustrated, just as much as you?!
[huff. he wanted to carry on, 'do you think i dont have a friend who's probably looking for me?' but this is not about his own pain.]
...Listen, I know you miss him. And I'm sorry that it has to be this way, I am. But by letting your own despair overwhelm you, you're just going to destroy yourself. If you don't want to be strong for yourself - be strong for everyone else. Don't let people hear you talk like this, doubting yourself. You're trying your best, and that's all that matters.
Most of the time I forget that you're that much bigger and stronger, but when you yell, it's hard to ignore. Just don't do it, okay? I really hate violence.
[ When it gets like that, instincts tell him he's gonna get hit. And considering the number his mother, an average-sized woman, was able to do on him, he figures Jack could easily send him to the hospital. ]
I'm not despairing. I just can't stand the idea of giving up.
When I see Yagami or hear his voice, it's like I can't stop thinking about Seimei. I know they're not the same, and maybe someday even Seimei will get better, but...
Back home, I knew what I was doing. I had an objective, y'know? It changed a lot, and I didn't exactly know what was going on 100% of the time, but it was my life. I was ready for all of it.
I don't know how to just settle down and be normal now. Even then, I could split up my life at school and my life at home and my life as a Sacrifice, but... I dunno.
People start yelling sometimes. That doesn't mean they like each other any less.
And...I didn't know he reminded you of your brother. I guess that explains a few things, though again, you mustn't project. I don't expect you to be best friends, you don't even have to talk to him if you don't want to. He's my responsibility, and I'm sticking to that.
And I'm the same way. That's why I'm giving myself an objective here, and you're part of that.
...Everyone wants to do that. That's a stupid goal. A good goal would be 'get out of here safely' or 'learn a new language' or 'learn to cook' or something like that. [ huff ]
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 06:29 pm (UTC)[he sighs. he knows how the kid feels, but he's - bad at talking.]
It's not like that - I'm not disappointed in you. I understand, because I feel the same way, about Yagami and - when I was your age, I thought I had to grow up as quickly as possible too, to prove that I could be on my own. But when the time finally came, that wasn't an issue anymore - it was the loneliness that did me in. I don't want to be lonely, and I don't think you want to be, either. Correct me if I'm wrong.
[a pause]
Taking in Light was no decision I made lightly, and I didn't do it because I think he deserves it. But I want to give him a chance regardless - everyone deserves a second chance, and if you live your life never trusting anyone, because you've been hurt in the past, by friends, family or even lovers, then what kind of life is that? Light has hurt people, yeah, and I don't doubt that he'd be able to do so again - which makes it all the more important that I make sure that he doesn't. That he realizes that he doesn't have to lie to people in order to find a place anywhere, to be accepted regardless of mistakes he might have made in the past. And all things considering...I think he's on a good way, now.
Please, just... trust me on this, that's all I ask. I won't let him hurt anybody. However, if you're really not okay with it, then - then I'll ask him to leave. You are more important to me, and I don't want you to think otherwise.
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 06:57 pm (UTC)I get what you're saying - I - I want to believe that even really, really bad people can change. That their good face wasn't just a lie. Or even if they do something bad to you, that it might not be your fault...
[ Wait who is he talking about here? ]
If I'm the one with the problem, then I should leave. I'm not getting anywhere right now anyway. I need to get back home. There has to be some way, I can't just stay here and pretend this is my life now.
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 07:02 pm (UTC)voice
Date: 2010-07-21 07:22 pm (UTC)And I have my own Yagami to deal with, too.
...What on earth could you even need me for?
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 07:30 pm (UTC)...
I don't need you for anything. I need you myself.
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 07:43 pm (UTC)Mom is probably happy that I'm gone, but Soubi - Soubi's suffered so much for my sake. He's fought for me, and gone through hardships as my Fighter because I wouldn't accept my responsibility for him and he didn't want me in danger. He even fought a team that broke etiquette and hammered a nail right through his hand! Soubi would never, ever give up on finding his way to my side, so it's only fair that I--
[ breaking off, is that a sniffle? ]
Stupid Soubi...
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 07:49 pm (UTC)[huff. he wanted to carry on, 'do you think i dont have a friend who's probably looking for me?' but this is not about his own pain.]
...Listen, I know you miss him. And I'm sorry that it has to be this way, I am. But by letting your own despair overwhelm you, you're just going to destroy yourself. If you don't want to be strong for yourself - be strong for everyone else. Don't let people hear you talk like this, doubting yourself. You're trying your best, and that's all that matters.
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 08:01 pm (UTC)Don't yell at me. I don't like it.
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 08:04 pm (UTC)voice
Date: 2010-07-21 08:20 pm (UTC)Most of the time I forget that you're that much bigger and stronger, but when you yell, it's hard to ignore. Just don't do it, okay? I really hate violence.
[ When it gets like that, instincts tell him he's gonna get hit. And considering the number his mother, an average-sized woman, was able to do on him, he figures Jack could easily send him to the hospital. ]
I'm not despairing. I just can't stand the idea of giving up.
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 08:23 pm (UTC)And who said anything about giving up? We're not giving up, but we're not stupid enough to go on a suicide mission, either.
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 08:46 pm (UTC)[ pause ]
I just feel like I'm.
I don't know.
When I see Yagami or hear his voice, it's like I can't stop thinking about Seimei. I know they're not the same, and maybe someday even Seimei will get better, but...
Back home, I knew what I was doing. I had an objective, y'know? It changed a lot, and I didn't exactly know what was going on 100% of the time, but it was my life. I was ready for all of it.
I don't know how to just settle down and be normal now. Even then, I could split up my life at school and my life at home and my life as a Sacrifice, but... I dunno.
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 08:52 pm (UTC)And...I didn't know he reminded you of your brother. I guess that explains a few things, though again, you mustn't project. I don't expect you to be best friends, you don't even have to talk to him if you don't want to. He's my responsibility, and I'm sticking to that.
And I'm the same way. That's why I'm giving myself an objective here, and you're part of that.
voice
Date: 2010-07-21 11:38 pm (UTC)voice
Date: 2010-07-21 11:40 pm (UTC)voice
Date: 2010-07-22 12:12 am (UTC)voice
Date: 2010-07-22 12:14 am (UTC)